This is not my standard time of the year
for reflection. But off-late life is not really following the standard template
either. Generally, I reserve these ramblings for my birthday (when you feel the
pressure to make some meaning of your life) or in the starting of year (when
you are fueled by adrenaline of new year resolutions and stuff). However, I
realized that it’s almost two years since I have last written any blog post.
Writing helps to clear the cobwebs in my mind and like any place which has not
been cleaned in two years. My mind is also in total disarray and perhaps
putting these thoughts on paper will give me some clarity.
So here we go.
If I look into the past few years. I had these episodes of
restlessness before. The most dominant feelings during those episodes have been
of stagnation, of getting stuck and not really moving ahead with my plans. And
this applies to both my personal as well as professional life. But this time it
has been different in so many ways. The change has been drastic. Personally,
I'm in the post Covid phase now. And for me, Covid has been a life altering
(almost becomes life ending) event. I had my second daughter in October 2021.
And my life will not be the same now as it was before these two events.
Professionally, even though I'm in same job for a bit more than around 3 years
now. Still our journey in India is reaching the tipping point. I have found
success and growth in the company too. My last promotion involving a bigger
role was at the starting of the year (it involves monetary benefits as well). I
also added a professional certification to my name last December.
As we are full of contradictions as part of basic human nature,
it’s very difficult to pinpoint a a specific reason which caused me to reflect
and introspect. Perhaps, it’s a sign that my mental state is a bit disturbed
now. Just like an average common person only remembers God when he is in
trouble. Else he is too busy in this life to bother about it. Similarly,
perhaps my life was too smooth and rewarding last year. And now that I have hit
a roadblock, I need to recalibrate my mental balance and writing is one of the
tools available to me to achieve the same.
Or Perhaps, It totally different case. I was too busy in this
mindless rat race that I had no time to indulge in the luxury of introspection.
I have experienced that too much work can have that effect on you. You work
like mad at ungodly hours and often, you don't even feel the impact of this
rush, this lack of time on your mental and physical well-being.
Anyways, irrespective of the underlying cause, the fact remains
that I find myself in the zone of self-reflection and introspection. My
experience says that I tend to get really stuck up in this zone even at the
cost of taking actions. So, after a nice break of a few years. I'm again going
back to the metaphorical drawing board and chalking out my plans. Let’s. see
how it goes as far as this try is concerned. As always, time is very limited
and you feel overwhelmed just by the thought of things that you want to
achieve, Practically I want the whole world when it comes to my personal and
professional goals. A very natural consequence of this is that you try to do
too much of everything at the same time and end up achieving nothing. No matter
how cliché it may sound. The way forward is only through prioritizing and
focused work.
Leaning Spanish: As cliché as it sounds, this was the goal I had
chalked out for myself when I last tried my hands in setting goals for myself.
My progress has been disappointing to say the least over the last 3 years. I
was full of enthusiasm and curiosity when I joined what is my present company
now three years back. As our head-quarter was in Spain. I was very keen on
learning Spanish. However, the air released out of the metaphorical balloon
pretty soon. I have tried and retried enough different methods to learn Spanish
that I can write a blog post on this topic. Unfortunately, I still cannot write
or speak even basic conversational level Spanish.
Fitness: Again, this has been my default goal for many years. As
fitness is difficult to objectively measure. I can’t really quantify my
progress or rather the lack of it. Going back 25 years back, I was a wafer
thin, almost malnourished boy in school with no interest in outdoor sports of any
kind. In my limited ways, I have tried to be more fit and increase my stamina.
I had episodes of frequent illness; chronic lower back pain and I have flirted
with border line sugar as well. I have a family history of diabetes and heart problems
(which I have used as excuses on more than one occasion). But I have some of my
high points as well. I used to cycle from home to school in advanced classes,
which I continued even in my college as well. I had tried my hands in some
adventure sports like rafting, rappelling, bungee, paragliding and some
trekking. I participated in the half marathon (technically 10km run) twice and
managed to finish it. And very recently, I had a severe bout of COVID and
survived it. Still its an ongoing journey and I'm trying to build some
consistency here. I'm not getting any younger and COVID has given me long
lasting aftereffects.
I'm going to draw a line here. As I have stated before. It’s easy
to fall into this trap and make listing your goals a goal in itself and spend
majority of your time in only planning and doing nothing. One of biggest achievements
in my life is just doing it again and again without focusing much on the
planning.
