A post on "no posts"

 Ah the irony! A post on not posting enough (lately)

I feel so clever just on the idea of this post. Its like the neurons in brain has started firing again after a sort of hibernation of two years. 

the funny thing is ever since I started started this particular post (on 21st Oct to be exact). I have managed to write and publish two posts utilizing the looong weekend (actually it was almost complete week off due to Diwali). And I have beaten the grand record of last year (when I has published only one post). I have demonstrated my resilience to continue my legacy (of posting which nobody reads) from 2012.

So even though this post serves no purpose now (like most of things that I do or maybe like the life itself). Why not continue riding the momentum and see where this post leads up to. Whether it will eventually materialize into a published post or it will languish in heap of my drafts which could never see the metaphorical internet sun.

The issue is unlike my standards posts (where I languish in self pity), I intend for this post to be clever and witty, traits which gel with my personality like chalk and cheese. One of the idea that I was contemplating quite seriously was using prompt "write a funny and witty post on procrastination" and essentially use that as reference material. But to my credit, I have managed to resist the temptation of doing it so far. So the post upto here is as original or unoriginal as my thought process. And the poor LLM models has no role to play in the same. 

As the post matter is increasingly resembling the speech of current POTUS. I should focus and look at the topic of the post to remind myself the original topic, which is "NO POST".

So why these blogs post has hit a road block from last two year ?

Why I seems to have time for every trivial thing that I could think of but not blogging ?

My blog or speech style is always more on colloquial side. The flow state as its called sometimes, whenever I do manage is to get into that state, the conversion flows easily. And generally I feel good about myself. In some aspects its like meditation as I'm in present "in the moment" at that point of time. Off late that state is missing. Too many distractions and that familiar sinking feeling to trying to do too many things and in the end achieving nothing. The timing (its 21st December today) doesn't help as well as New year resolutions generally means long list of aspirational goals.

So why no posts!. As either I was contemplating too many things, getting frustrated with my jobs. Or whenever small pockets on relative calm I could find, I was devoting on other aspects like fitness or working on technical skills (Not to say the progress on both these aspects has been very dismal as well).

so resisting the temptation of making a long list (which includes the goals of more blog posts next year as well). But working on controlling my mental distractions. Lets see how I fare till New Year !

Writer's Block

For a nation which in-spite of having tons of mythological anecdotes telling us different ways of attaining Nirvana. Surprisingly we find our way of life in myriad things like cricket and movies. More often than not, our philosophy, vision is driven by these only.

 One such line from cricket that I really believe in is that offense is the best defense. Hence I decide to take this writer's block head on or as they say in cricket analogy On front foot.
Sometimes back I decided to write my own book, I have been a vociferous reader for many years and obviously highly impressed by authors and their craft. It was quiet natural on my part to aspire to be an author.
But unfortunately almost as soon as I decided tho write a book that  I encountered writer's block. I even read a book on how to write a book and I'm writing a blog post on writer's block.
But these one liners are all I could come up with.

I also feel that a book is the work of your creation and it carries some part of yourself. It's your identity statement. Writer's Block is in the way a form of identity crisis only. You need to get sorted out in your mind about what you really are. The book will be your expression only then and atleast you will be clear about your genre and the idea you want to convey

The second crazy conclusion that I draw is that communication and imagination are indicator of your mental health. And stress, frustration are really detrimental for them. 

Hence for able to write you need to be in a peaceful state of mind  Although then how could great writers could come up with such classics and gems while living in adversity is beyond me. Perhaps writing is then a form of salvation for them. A mean to end this struggle. 

Sometimes I also feel is that I'm barking the wrong tree. I had setup myself to write a frictional work but perhaps I would have tried my hand in something non fictional. I also feel inclined to write short stories sometimes as writing a  full fledged story sometimes looks like too steep a hill to climb 

Last but not the least. I really feel paucity of time to pursue this passion. My current job is really stressful and leaves me stretching for time. I barely find time to finish the daily chores leaving practically no time for indulging in writing. Although how much of this is just an elaborate excuse I don't know. As I had this task of writing a book in my To Do list in my previous company too still I made nill progress inspite of having considerably more time on my hands 
Another aspect related to same point is that I've always been a slow starter in all aspects of my life. Not only I'm always relatively late to get on with my life (In fact I wonder if my problems are indicative of mid-life crisis or adolescence issue. Also by the same extension, for every activity I need more time than others. The same holds true for writing too. Very rarely it happens that I sit to write and the thoughts start coming to me immediately and in the flow. On the other hand most of the time, I'm staring at the blank screen for full 10-15 minutes before I could form any coherent thought. I have experienced the same while I was preparing for exams or I was studying too. I need to blankly stare at the book for some time before I could grasp anything. Probably my mind itself is a slow starting engine. The problem is all the more compounded due to scarcity of time for me. 

The good thing though is that I'm still able to keep up with the blogging and on track with the target of one blog per month. The secret is that I mostly write about my aims and experiences. Probably I should follow the same with my book. The problem is that than it will be a non fiction book which I dont think will be that interesting. Moreover I write on a variety of topics and hence these posts does not fulfill the basic requirement of linear , coherent narrative binding the full story. Though I do plan to use my personal experience in writing the book because thats what everybody does.

To sum it up, It seems like its not possible for me to have a well planned, well thought of story even before I start writing the first draft. Perhaps I should just select a protagonist (or more than one also. Create a background and let it go, It will have good and bad days based on my high and lows. Its belief will keep on changing based on my experience and shaped by my prejudices. Whether its story will be interesting in the end or not, I cant say.
But at-least it will be story close to real-life experiences. 

On another note, Of late I'm suffering from yet another anxiety issue mainly because of this social media stuff. I'm unable to form any firm opinion as I dont know whether the facts presented to me and based on which I'm forming my opinion are credible or not. Because in this age of Propaganda and Photoshop Miracles. The reality has become indeed very hard to find.