Conditioning -1

26-Apr-2026 

First a disclaimer regarding the title of this post - what I mean by conditioning here.

I have been feeling quite low off-late due to some personal and professional setbacks. After wallowing in self pity and bitterness for a good 5-6 weeks. Now I'm in a relatively calm state of mind. I hope writing this post will help me further in clearing the cobwebs from my mind and allow me to focus my chain of thoughts. So here we go. 

As I was dwelling in the dark space, it was taking toll on my mental and physical health in a big way. I have talked (actually written) a lot about the physical aspect of fitness. Recovering from a bad Covid, I have been considerate about my health even though I'm guilty of lapsing into unhealthy patterns time and again. But I have shied away from the mental aspect of it. Even though my COVID experience had told me that the mental aspects were far more scarier than physical hardships (Brain fog, cognitive decay and insomnia to name a few). My recent foray into the rabbit hole gave me a rude awakening about it. Hence the focus (and post) about Physical and Mental Conditioning.

So what triggered all this, As most of the things in my life; It started from my work. As we were winding on first quarter of this year and side by side analyzing actual business achieved in last year. It become clear that the business across the group is under-performing in a big way. The geo-political situation and simmering tensions between USA and Iran was having its effect and our business is a global business and a big chunk of order in Indian operations has always been overseas orders. We managed to scrap one order in India at almost no margin to "keep the lights on". But it is not enough from sustainable or profitable perspective.

In business profitability is everything, so if  the business is in bad shape, you can say your chances of growth bye bye. And the irony is that the same geo-political events which cause the business to under-perform. The same events will ensure that your household expenses will sky-rocket. squeezing you from both sides. As money is still a necessary evil for everyone, when the reality hits you and you see it reflecting in your bank account. Your mental calm is the first casualty closely followed by your physical fitness. And it keeps on spiraling from there onwards.

So I find myself gaining weight (work from home means you are more prone to stress eating as kitchen is always well stocked with snacks), having irregular or very minimal sleep and constant headaches. I had the realization that I need to work on my physical and mental fitness but not able to find necessary willpower for the same.

The communication (or rather the lack of it) from management does not help at all. The formal communication that your bonus / variable salary will not be disbursed this year is a very bitter pill to swallow. But the uncertainty regarding this is even worse. As you continue to hope that you may get it after-all. The continued suspense does not do your moral any good.

2026-1

 So, first month of this month was over before I even know it.

And like every year in my life so far, Some things are same and yet others are quite different.

February is as good a time as any to take stock of your new year resolutions. Or whatever is left of it by this time. And in that context, its again a mixed bag of sorts (which I don't mind actually). Great consistency and momentum in some (staying away for too much OTT, movies, daydreaming), Scattered progress in others (Health, new Skills) and falling short in some (Mindfulness, focusing on only one thing at a time). And there again, life can be as complicated as we make it. I can choose to focus more on resolutions where I'm doing great (as they say, strengthen our strengths) or put all my focus on resolutions where I'm failing so far (working on weakest link in the chain). Or which is most probable in my case, just go with the flow.

In fact, the same template is present in corporate side of the life as well. Where unlike my personal life; I don't have the freedom to do whatever I want. And also I'm more dependent on external validation (appreciation, acknowledgement, promotions). At senior leadership level, there is always a tussle for control. You may be very keen to get involve in a particular initiate and may have the prerequisite experience and skills for that as well, But if in the eyes of "Top Boss" you are not the right person for that role, nothing else matters. And its very hard of accept and reconcile with this (I'm still struggling to let it go)

So even if I believe very strongly that my core strength is customer interaction and communication, And I can add a lot of value in business development, the owner does not think so and wants me to concentrate on operations and cost calculation of products that we make.

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Adding to this post in mid of March. As I manage to sneak in a moment when the house is dark, cool and quiet in early morning, And I'm wide awake (though its more a result or my erratic sleeping patterns than a sign of healthy lifestyle). I'm sort of battling the "Mid-year" crisis (similar to mid life crisis which I'm experiencing as well). The month of January was great in terms of relative consistency. February was okay..ish and first half of March, almost everything stalled. Gradually and painfully, I'm trying to bring it back on track. 

Starting march, we had an annual get-together, which is an yearly ritual in my company for last three years now. In this, we take the complete team out for a day and play some sort of sports and adventure activities. I never visualize myself as the most active or fit kind of person. But I had built a self made perception that I'm making slow and steady progress to improve my fitness. But I was in for a rude awakening, the progress was more slow than steady. I'm making some adjustments in my daily routines now that I have seem that walking or trudging 10k steps at a snails pace is not going to take me anywhere. I'm adding small section of sprints (at the same time keeping my heart rate in check) and also adding (very) small sets of weight training to complement the daily regime.

Having a travelling job does not help, As the momentum breaks when I'm travelling. And regaining it is not always easy. (the fact that my travelling involves taking red-eye flights at ungodly hours, doesn't help at all)

Lastly regarding the company that you keeps, I read a very cliched saying "you become average of five of your closest friends". By that token, I should be very fit as all my friends are super-fit enough to give me FOMO. So now, my friends are racing ahead in their fitness journey and I'm lagging behind (PUN intended).