26-Apr-2026
First a disclaimer regarding the title of this post - what I mean by conditioning here.
I have been feeling quite low off-late due to some personal and professional setbacks. After wallowing in self pity and bitterness for a good 5-6 weeks. Now I'm in a relatively calm state of mind. I hope writing this post will help me further in clearing the cobwebs from my mind and allow me to focus my chain of thoughts. So here we go.
As I was dwelling in the dark space, it was taking toll on my mental and physical health in a big way. I have talked (actually written) a lot about the physical aspect of fitness. Recovering from a bad Covid, I have been considerate about my health even though I'm guilty of lapsing into unhealthy patterns time and again. But I have shied away from the mental aspect of it. Even though my COVID experience had told me that the mental aspects were far more scarier than physical hardships (Brain fog, cognitive decay and insomnia to name a few). My recent foray into the rabbit hole gave me a rude awakening about it. Hence the focus (and post) about Physical and Mental Conditioning.
So what triggered all this, As most of the things in my life; It started from my work. As we were winding on first quarter of this year and side by side analyzing actual business achieved in last year. It become clear that the business across the group is under-performing in a big way. The geo-political situation and simmering tensions between USA and Iran was having its effect and our business is a global business and a big chunk of order in Indian operations has always been overseas orders. We managed to scrap one order in India at almost no margin to "keep the lights on". But it is not enough from sustainable or profitable perspective.
In business profitability is everything, so if the business is in bad shape, you can say your chances of growth bye bye. And the irony is that the same geo-political events which cause the business to under-perform. The same events will ensure that your household expenses will sky-rocket. squeezing you from both sides. As money is still a necessary evil for everyone, when the reality hits you and you see it reflecting in your bank account. Your mental calm is the first casualty closely followed by your physical fitness. And it keeps on spiraling from there onwards.
So I find myself gaining weight (work from home means you are more prone to stress eating as kitchen is always well stocked with snacks), having irregular or very minimal sleep and constant headaches. I had the realization that I need to work on my physical and mental fitness but not able to find necessary willpower for the same.
The communication (or rather the lack of it) from management does not help at all. The formal communication that your bonus / variable salary will not be disbursed this year is a very bitter pill to swallow. But the uncertainty regarding this is even worse. As you continue to hope that you may get it after-all. The continued suspense does not do your moral any good.
