Saving Sanity!

What keeps me Sane !
This is the question I keeps on asking myself time and again. First of all let me clarify about my definition of a sane man. I don't mean insanity as loosing control of your emotions. But rather as loosing control of your aims, passions.
Nothing can be worse than having no aims in life. You are just like a rudderless ship wandering to the tune of random gusts of winds. You don't realize going through the motions how your life is wasting away.

October is special month for me. In any case this is a best time in terms of weather as in India this is the onset of winters. You can feel the positive energy in the air due to the festivals just round the corner.

But  for me the highlight of this month is that my birthday falls in this month (I'm  lucky  that I  can remain positive on  my  birthday due to its  timing). 

Off late (Since I  found myself on the wrong side of 30), I tend to get into  the reflection  and  planning on my  birthday.  And here is that time of the year again.  But the first  question on my Mind this time is. "How To save my sanity". Because the situation this year is  unique.
For past couple of years; One of my main grudge against life has been my inability to change job. It has been really Achilles heal for most of my life. Off late I have been living with the feeling that I've been a big failure in this field. Hence its but obvious that job change has been very high on my agenda whenever I prepared / reviewed my to do list.
But this year, my situation is totally different in the sense that I have already changed the job. Managed to do it just at the end of last year. Hence now that one item is crossed off my list. Though just like everything related to life; its not a perfect arrangement, rather far from it. All said and done, one of the major factors in opting for this job has been the fact that its in Greater Noida. And I live in Gurgaon some 63 km away from it. Considering the type of traffic you encounter in Delhi NCR, Daily commuting on this stretch is nothing short of a nightmare .
Enough to drive you Insane. Hence my original question.

Its not the question of time only,  this 2-3  hours spend while stuck  in traffic really drain you of all the energy. Hence by the time I reach home.I find myself unable to do anything worthwhile. Even in my previous job. I was reaching home by the same time only. the difference being that I use to traverse by Metro instead of driving by myself. Hence my condition was different. I could sleep in the air-conditioned coaches of metro, watch movie or listen to music. Therefore I still find myself fresh enough which is not the case now.
Also the fact that my last job was a travelling one so I don't have to go office daily.which is not the case now.
Being stuck in nightmarish traffic everyone can drive anyone crazy and I really find myself literally driving crazy!.
One of the thing motivating me to move ahead in life is goals I have set for myself. But its really tricky situation as I'm not really able to devote any time or energy in working towards these goals.

I can't really end this post on a positive note as I'm still struggling against this problem

A Slice of expat life cont.. :

Now that the time has come to bid adieu to Malaysia (Most probably) I will be going from Malaysia to India permanently in one - two weeks. I think the time is ripe for summarizing my stay in Malaysia. First of all I did not roam much in Malaysia. I just covered some major tourist destinations. Moreover most of the people I interacted with were Indian only, as my company is Indian. Thus I cannot claim that I had any major insight into Malaysian culture per se. Nonetheless my experience in Malaysia was rewarding in other senses. It does not matter at all whether I was in Malaysia or anywhere. I could be anywhere in India as well. What was special was that I was away from my comfort zone and force to break away from my daily schedule. This was an opportunity for me to start afresh. And how much did I succeeded in this; Well, let's see.

As stated before also, I come to Malaysia as part of my induction in new job. So it was not only the country but new job also. And every job has its own distinct culture. There was no similarity between my new and old job. Everything was different. There is some element of truth in change management theories when they say that first instinct of humans is to resist the change. There was already some issues involves in my joining and coming out on second day of my joining itself, the environment seems obnoxious, to say the least.

The very first shock that I experienced after coming here was regarding change in working hours. In my previous company I was a one to put in maximum no of working hours and frankly many a times I rub my colleague in wrong way because of this also. I thought of myself as a very hard working person capable of putting in the no of long hours required to get the job done. Little did I realized that realized my job profile was of a person sitting in front of laptop whole day. Plus there was a kind of ennui that comes with too much time on your hand which was a case with me in my notice period. Hence to say that I was caught unaware will be an understatement. After landing in Malaysia I realized two things. One that this is not a training but more correct word will be deputation or project. Hence rather than sitting on front of computer I needed to be on the shop-floor standing almost all day. And second that since all the projects here are running late. Therefore I need to work 12 hours daily. It was not easy for me adjust with all this. On top of all this I did not knew anything about the company culture, Nature of my colleagues, Technical details of the product we offer. All in all the situation was quite bleak.

But the biggest contradiction were the weekends, As on weekdays I was super busy but on weekends I felt that there is so much time and nothing to do. I was away from the family, no local chores to run, no friends, relatives etc. Due to time-lapse between Malaysia and India and international calling I could not even call my friends to talk to my heart's desire. So the situation was like this, Very hectic schedule on weekdays and then feeling lonely on weekends. All my colleagues were content in sleeping till noon to spend time on weekends. But I did not felt like doing that. After really think over it I did decide on two things to make better use of the situation.

One I decide that I will not sit idle on weekends. On every Sunday (and Saturdays too when free), I used to go out for sightseeing.

Second the free time on weekends was my private time, Something that I think we all long for , the time we can really use to introspect and plan for future. One of the major indulgence of mine was reading. And I really utilize this time to read as many books as I could lay my hands upon. I even subscribed to Kindly unlimited so that I can read unlimited books.

The second major problem faced by me (and most of my colleagues on deputation from India like me) was the absence to familiar foods. The problem was two pronged. First, as I'm a vegetarian I have to be on constant guard against meat, beef etc in the food. And second, Malaysia has large number of Indian but from south India, hence the so called Indian food available was south Indian foods and after a few days I got fed up from this type of food. To add to it; I have this weakness to not knowing how to cook. Due to not getting enough food. My attentiveness was also down. The first few weeks passed just like that before I could recognize the positive effect of this. My weight comes down by 3 kgs!!. It was then I realized that it's actually a blessing in disguise. While in India, I really tried hard to lose weight but to no avail. Now that this food issue has already given me a head-start. I decided to pursue it with some exercise, experimenting with food and managed to shave off further 3 kg off.

I do maintain a crazy bucket list which is mostly about new experiences. Adventure sports feature very high on that list. Bungee jumping is one think that I always wanted to do. I actually enquired places near Delhi (where I lives in India) where I can do this activity. It was not really far off (It's done near rishikesh some 300 km from Delhi). But among other things, I always used to procrastinate; giving lame excused to myself like back pain, risks involved and lack of friends. Now that I have my weekends free, I googled and find out a place in Kuala-lumpur itself where I can go and do bungee jumping. The describe that experience will take another blog post so I can conclude by saying it was once in a lifetime experience for me.

PS: Its is perhaps write only that I'm finishing this post now that I'm back in India; Looking back in the hindsight. My stint in Malaysia was an experience that I will always cherish.

A Slice of expat life :

As covered in few of my previous posts also, Since last six months I'm in Kualalumpur, Malaysia. Well not a continuous stay as I've been to India three times in this period. But those breaks were for one week only.

Although it's a temporary deputation and my family and permanent residence is still in India therefore I'm technically not an expat but for all practical purpose we can consider me an expat. Hence the title of the article.

I'm not going to harp about the so called cleanliness, etiquettes or lack of traffic dust etc that you experience once staying outside India. My article is more about the loneliness you feel when in a foreign country. That feeling of being outside of your comfort zone. That sense of unfamiliarity as your daily schedule that you are so used to changes totally. The only external factor I'm going to talk (or rather write :) about) is the problem in foods especially if you happen to be vegetarian like me.

I landed in Malaysia on 20th of February. In fact the reason I remember this date so vividly is that it was only one day after I joined my new company. Considering the notice period served after resigning in my previous company, and the issue of passport renewal; visa application etc-etc . It could be safely said that since the start of this year I was having a break from my usual daily routine; the effect of which was even more amplified when I landed in Kualalumpur.

One thing that Malaysian can really learn from us Indians is how to stand in a Metro train. I witnessed this time and again as almost every weekend I used to go to a place called Mini India wherein you can get good north India food. The problem is sometimes the train can get really crowded though not on the same level as in India on weekends.

In India people try to keep the door of the train free for movement and themselves move to interior of train-coach. But here in Malaysia this is not the case. Here it just does-not cross anybody mind to vacate the door. Even the train coaches are quite different. In India the coaches are designed so that there is more standing space to accommodate people than sets. But here it's the other way round.

Anyway back to the main topic. Much has been said about our comfort zone in so called Self-help books and the need to break the same but mostly they cover the issue on Micro level. I feed there is the comfort zone on Macro level. This sense of familiarity and security that you feed when you are in your own country. I specifically used the word security here as I personally experience this strange phenomena. Even though in India I'm staying in perhaps the most unsafe area you can find across all the Big Metropolitan cities (Delhi!!!). In Delhi NCR there is no surety of your safety even in your house. And compared to that Malaysia is much more safer. Still I cannot get rid of this nagging feeling of insecurity that I'm in a foreign country and hence cannot do as I wish. The biggest contribution to the atmosphere of unfamiliarity is the language.

Another problem of being an Indian in a foreign country is that you have to live with a sense of shame. One because of having this reputation of rape capital in the world.

And second because we don't hesitate from exhibition of debauchery even when outside India. Infact we indulge even more so in such behavior thinking that nobody knows us here. Not reflecting on the fact that they do know us. They know us as Indians. No matter how much we rave about other people being hypocrite in stereotyping all Indians in one mould. We forget that this mould is made based on these small unconscious actions by us only.

Other major and noticeable thing was when you realize that you are without a root in such places. There is no history attached with the surrounding. You cannot say that I was born here or at the place few hours of road journey from here. You cannot claim to know the people living in various parts of the country. You don't have any participation in the culture of this place. You don't share the history of this place. The ups and downs witnessed by this city in its journey since time immemorial.

You are just like a guest staying temporarily in a guest house before moving to your destination eventually. The aspect where this difference is most glaring is the politics. To me the this is the single most important differentiator that tells if you really belong to a country or not. Getting involved in politics shows if you really feel passion for the particular country or not. It very easy to see that Indians residing here who by nature are so much involved in politics (In India it should be declared as the national pass-time) Become totally un-interested in Malaysian politics. It really shows that in their heart they feel that they don't belong here.

Cont... 

Goals 2016 revisited !

I intended to write this post on July 2, But looks like I'm going to be full one month late. What's so special about July, Well it was exactly half way in this year. But seems like procrastination is my second name.
But still... better late than never. I need to review the goals I set at the start of this year to see if I'm on right track or completely off the track. So without much ado here the list ...

1) Books - 15 books,
Ha.. I love that this was the first goal I set. The reason being that I have actually crossed more than double of this goals. No kidding. I've actually already read 32 books in this year. So did I committed ultimate cardinal sin of setting a too easy goal.
Well not exactly. The goals was based on how many books I read last year with a resolution that I will read bigger and classics books this year. and in that way the set target was pretty reasonable. So what happened after that.
I changed my job and then transferred to Malaysia for six months. Here my daily routine is much different than back in India. So I found lot of time and hence could finish so many books.  Two of the things standing out in my over-achieving of this goals is
a) Measurable - As done last year too. I update my target and progress on goodsread. This helps me to monitor my progress time-wise and know I'm lagging behind or not.
b) Resource availability - I took kindle unlimited membership which allows me to read unlimited amount of books ( in their special archive off course) without paying anything
c) Time resource - As stated earlier also, My daily routine allows me to devote sufficient time to this activity
The most important thing is that I actually like this and this is my one of the most favorite pastime.
Hence passion to achieve this goal is not at all missing.
Here is the link for my Goodread progress.
https://www.goodreads.com/challenges/3890-2016-reading-challenge

2) Blog - 12 full blog posts.
On goal 2 and we're already on the slippery territory
Well this is my sixth blog post. The initial target translated into one blog post one month . So I'm actually one month behind. And maybe more considering this is the end of this month also.  This goal is not a piece of cake at all because I'm suffering from writers block which is affecting my other goals also.
a) Measurable - Sure this goals is with the number being exact multiple of the number of months in the year, its also very easy to track too.
b) Resource availability - Writing only one blog post is not really much of the work, So non availability of time is not really an excuse. The problem is not able to find any topic to write.

3) Physical fitness
This is a tricky goal. The measuring parameters that I set earlier were participating in Delhi half marathon and join swimming.
Prima facia I could not acheive both. As I'm in Malaysia and not really practicing racing. Nor did I joined swimming.
But still I would not say that I failed in this goal so far because I have made some progress in improving my physical fitness. I have started waking up early and doing some stretching / basic exercise daily. Attaining physical fitness is perhaps one of the most important goals for me and I still have a long way to go.
a) Measurable - My initial parameters are no more valid now so I set a holy grail of measurable target in physical fitness. WEIGHT LOSS. As per my last medical checkup I was 10 kg overweight. Due to my new routine and problem of food I've already reduced 3 kg. Give of take few hundred grams. My target is to roughly reduce 3 kg more. So the measurable target is 75 kg.
I understand weight loss is not everything in weight loss. But this will be starting step
As for swimming, my apartment has a swimming pool. So I'm doing swimming depending on time availability.
b) Resource - About time resource, I've more or less covered in previous step. But resource in this regards  many other thing also. Like joining gym, Foods. Unfortunately I'm not so lucky on those counts. But still I'm trying to do the best I can.

4) Communication - Join toastmaster and complete one stage.
Unfortunately I could not join toastmasters because of time shortage. After - that I though of preparing five speeches and keeping them ready but unfortunately even that too did not happened. Even though the goal of blogging is also someway related to it and the fun activities as watching Hollywood movies also go long way towards improving communication. Still I would considered this goal as part of written and verbal communication and hence other activities cannot replace it wholly.
Good news is still I can catch up on this goals.
STATUS : NO PROGRESS, NEED TO CATCH UP

5) Qualification : Complete my correspondence degree (Optional : check for MBA)
Unfortunately another big failure, for last six months no progress on the same.
PS : Start working on this as soon as I"m back in India

6) Finance : Prepare finance plan, start investing in equity
I don't have a concrete financial plan plus decision to start investing in equity is also on hold due to the prevalent market conditions.
However my finances are better than before, thanks for my new job. Also I'm seriously thinking about buying my own house and hence any decision about investing in equity will need to be put on hold.

7) Recreation : Lean one new hobby
Not able to work on this part as I"m not in India. However I would still lean more about this music.
Another goal on which I need to start acting in however small way possible ASAP

8) Technical : Lean one new software - Solidworks
Another very important goals slipping on
PS : Need to install this as soon as I"m in India or check on google
Achieving this particular skill is really very important for my professional growth.

9) Entrepreneurship : Prepare business plan with road-map
This is one of my long standing dream. But there are many hurdles in the way such as
a) Lack of time (looks like cliche excuse, but there is some element of truth in this)
b) Lack of direction or a business idea : I"m not really sure what exactly I should do
c) Lack of finances : I don't really have any money to invest in this so the business model needs to be the one with almost zero starting capital required.

That all, Phew ! Good that I do-not have a big list. As clear from above, a lot of goals planned at the start of the Year are totally neglected.
I very urgently need to set up a time-table for regular follow up on these goals. Perhaps with each of my blog post, I just need to have a look at the goals to check if I'm missing to workout on anyone.

My reading glasses - Zemindar

After a long time I tried an old Classic. One thing that left me pleasantly surprised was unlike other old classics I have read, the language of this book was easy to comprehend. The overall plot of the book fascinates me as the book recounts experience of an English girl who came to India in 1857 and as the year suggest, gets embroiled in the mutiny or as the Indian historians likes to call it, the first independence struggle of India. At the heart of the book is a bittersweet love story between the girl and an white Indian Zemindaar.
The book chronicles the twists and turns their lives took due to the chaos that follows
The love angle is not like mills and boon but is more about conquering our pre-conceived notions and self deception.
In fact at many places in the book it feels like I'm reading pride and prejudice. There are many similarities between this book and work by Jane Austen.
Also as an Indian I also found Author's narrative pretty well balanced. Without taking sides, She describe the instances of 1857 mutiny through the eyes of British families in India.

At 400 pages, it's a long book but the story and flow holds together

In fact I felt the characters has enough potential for a sequel also

Why to write

Why exactly I want to wrote to book. Isn't it a good topic to write about. Don't know if I'm the only one finding it funny. Writing a blog about wanting to write a book
Anyway compared to my fetish about reading, I was always very reticent about the other two aspects of communication namely speaking and writing.
The best way to describe it is perhaps the remarks written in my report card in fifth grade. " sober but social". I don't even know the meaning of sober. I find out much later.
At a very later stage in my life. I realized two things.
One, how true that remark in my report card was. Even though I'm very reserve in nature. I love to tell stories to people. I'm a very good liar. I use to make the instances in my mundane life interesting by exaggerating them. I use to explain movie stories, comics to my friends. Then someone pointed out that he has also watched that particular movie. And my story is not exactly as per the book. But no doubt it is more exciting than the original book

And second is that I love writing. In the first year of my job (Just after college). I had a brief stint in a socialist youth organisation. One of the role in which I did well was writing pamphlets. Though it was not even close to story or blog writing. But It has the same elements nonetheless.

Coming back to my reserve nature. One of major initiative ever taken by me to overcome this hindrance also involves writing.

I moved to big bad world of Delhi NCR in 2011. My situation as exactly same as that of a dear in headlight. My limitation in interacting with other due to my reserve nature was all the more visible in the cut-throat world of Delhi compare to small town of Chandigarh from where I had come from.
Luckily in 2012 I attended a meeting of toastmaster with a colleague and immedietaly realised what I had to do to improve my public speaking.

So winning a rare victory against procrastination I joined toastmaster. I even managed to clear first stage of toastmasters (10 speeches). Even as last half of this target was a big drag. But this post is not about toastmasters. While in toastmasters I realised that I love writing speeches. Perhaps more than delivering those speeches on the stage. It was a plateform where in a way I delivered my own written stories. In toastmasters I get to know about a definite structure of speech. Consisting of a definite beginning, body and conclusion.
The ultimate irony is that one of the reason of my leaving toastmasters is that I could not come up with ideas interesting enough to write speeches upon.
Perhaps I experienced writers block.
But apart from giving me much needed confidence about public speaking. Toastmasters also gave me confidence about writing speeches.
And perhaps that was the stage from where I seriously contemplate about writing a book.
It is then no co-incidence then that I started this blog at roughly the same time I joined Toastmasters.

Thus I decided to write a book (Add this in bold in my bucket list)....

And where I am right now progress wise.
In the all too familiar flight with self doubts, wondering If I really have it in me to write a book , become an author.

My initial attempts at writing could not progress beyond writing few lines. Then big break in between. All I have written till now is a situation which vagely resembles a plot idea and some interesting anecdotes. How I will manage to transform this into a book. Only time will tell.

All that I know for sure is one thing. Unlike the other seemingly difficult targets that I have managed to achieve somewhat. To achieve this target. Hardwork is not enough. Its not something you can acquire by practicing daily because lets face it. what will you write if nothing comes to you mind.
Staring at the blank sheets or blank pc screen actually can be very depressing. But I'm not ready to give up yet!!!

My reading glasses the bestseller she wrote

Read another book from Ravi Subramanian. The bestseller she wrote.
This is the first book whose title doesn't contains the word bank, I thought the maybe in this story, there will be no reference to the bank as is the case with other books by the same author. But I was proved wrong.
Here again the protagonist as well as all major characters are working in bank.
The only deviation was that the plot is based outside the back. The theme was about personal lives of those people whereas in earlier books the plot was based on professional lives of the characters.
As the last book I read from the same author was Incredible banker which has a major plot twist based on naxalites. And as in this book also there is a major reference to Naxals. I has a feeling of Deja Vu. But at most this incident was a blind turn (Maybe intentionally put by author so that the readers will be surprised at the end to know that there was no naxal connection. 

But on the other end, for readers who have not read his earlier book, This will be come as an unexplained part.

Also the main thorn in the flesh for this week is that the relationship between Aditya and Shreya is not explained in this book. Its an extra-maritial affair alright and I can understand that both were themselves confused about their feelings about each other. But at-least could have given us some sneak peak into the turmoils in their minds, which is invariable when you are confused about your feelings for the other person.
Another sore points is that unlike authors previous books, Here the final twist was more of a case of tying loose ends.
The female protagonist Shreya says that she doesn't reads Indian authors book specially thriller, The only author she has read is the male protagonist itself. It can be interpret as self depreciating humor but dont know why it looks to me like an arrogant statement.
The climax is also too fairy tale - like, Something which is hard to digest in a thriller showing grey shades of everyone.
But there are some things I liked about this books.
First I like the Idea of book about a best-seller author and a wannabe best-seller author.
The idea of possessiveness, ambition, pride and jealousy is also explained very well through its characters, In fact each of its characters is used as metaphor for one this feelings. e.g.
The main protagonist Aditya is all about ego and pride.
Shreya is shown as image of possessiveness and ambition
And Aditya's friend Prakash is driven by Jealousy
The flow is good and narration tight. The professional environment depicted looks beleivable
A good read which can be finished in one long sitting

The narrative moves at a tight pace and the characters of Shreya keeps readers guessing

Happy beginning, clean slate

People are very much obsessed by happy endings (Specially us Indians, you don't find tragic ending so common in Shakespeare's play; in classic Indian plays). We very firmly believe in sayings like all's well if it ends well. We find many examples in our Indian mythology also which reinforce this claim.  

Why I'm saying all this. Because right now I'm right in middle of what can be called as new beginning for my life. Even though it can be defined as a mundane job change only (I mean no big stuff, such things happen every few years or in the cases of some of my friends; every few months too). But for me it's the biggest change in my life in last few years. I worked in my last company for five years.  When you change your job after five long years and come into a company totally different in all respects. The transition will be shocking to say the least. To top it all, I even changed my line.

So for me, it's almost like to start all over again. The beginning. And unlike the typical god fearing Indians; I believe in happy beginnings rather than happy ends. For me it's absolutely imperative to start on the right note. Plan and strategize right at the start.

Also to quote "Homi Mulla". (I have the misery of attending his sessions). Perception is reality. The perception / impression that people makes of you in the beginning of any job sticks. Later on , No matter how hard you try. You just can't shake off that image. Specially for a someone like me; whose introvert nature  can be easily mistaken as arrogance or aloofness.

But the positive thing is that such opportunities presents you with a clean slate. It's an opportunity for you to create the type of image consciously as you wants as you are free of luggage of you past actions.
As you are new to the company. You can start afresh.

For me, Its a big think. Not often in life you get a change to start afresh (In any aspects)

PS :

1) I'm in Malaysia for my induction training. As I'm cut-off from my familiar environment. This thing of starting afresh is even more valid in my case.

2) On a unprecedented book reading spree in Malaysia as not much to do in my free time here.

Goals 2016!

The picture above more or less sums it up. In my case too; I can only start planning for New Year goals now that one month has already passed. Though for different reasons. In fact the reason itself contains a major learning towards achieving these goals.

So here’s the story.

One of my major goals since last year, or rather from last two years has been to change job. On few occasions I came very close to achieving this goal. But could not clear the final hurdle. But as the luck would have it. I managed to change job right at the end of last year. My plan was to join my new job on the first day of New Year itself. But there were some last minute issues. I required my passport to be ready before joining. Had applied for renewal also. Unfortunately this was exactly the time luck chooses to demonstrate how great Indian system works (Or not works at all). My file for police verification was stuck time and again and it took one complete month for it to clear.

Ultimately everything went well and my passport is expected in one – two days. During last month (first month of year) I was actually without job as I have already put in my papers and relieved in last job and yet to join new job. Consciously or unconsciously; I was under so much stress that just could prepare me to plan goals for this year.

Now that everything is sorted out, I can again concentrate on planning / resolutions for 2016.

And therein lays the major learning. In the hindsight I could recall many such instances when I faced similar kind of stress because of which I put all my goals on the back-burner. If only I could deal with such situations without losing focus on bigger goals. I could achieve so much more.

Back to the goals now. As covered in my earlier post also. One of the major goals that I could achieve last year has some salient characteristics. It was measurable as well as track able. So taking the leaf out of that experience. For this year I’m going to try and define all my goals in the same manner as below.

1)      Books –  15 books

2)      Blog – 12 blog post (full article only, not including random quotes, books etc)

3)      Physical fitness – Participate in Delhi half marathon, Join swimming in summer

4)      Communication – Join toastmasters and complete one stage (five speeches)

5)      Qualification – Complete my correspondence degree (Optional : check for MBA)

6)      Financial – Preparing finance plan , start investing in equity

7)      Recreation – learn one new hobby (guitar)

8)      Technical – Learn one new software (Solid works)

9)      Entrepreneurship -  Prepare business plan with roadmap