I'm a self confessed book addict or book worm. Off-late I have been reading most of the books which can fall into a particular genre which is Marriage. It an amusing take of Millennials on the very concept of arranged marriage. Normally the plot is like this. The main protagonist in almost all the cases will be an independent working woman (Sexist thinking...) albeit very traditional and family oriented in her outlook. The family is shown as really orthodox in their thinking and gradually the protagonist will mold them. Overall tone of the books is fun and quirky. It has been light and easy read.
One of the noticeable things is the family pushing for arrange marriage and our protagonist rooting for love marriages. However as I was reading these books. It got me thinking into another direction altogether. As I'm already married (arranged marriage) more that 9 year back. Hence I cant really relate with this dilemma between love marriage and arranged marriage. But somehow the situations described in the books and dilemma looks very relatable to me in another aspect. Which is my job.
Even though I'm not a very professional minded person who puts his job above the personal life. Still the job plays a very important role in our life; for a very simple fact that roughly more than 50 percent of our day is spend in the Job. Though in my case the time spent in the job is around 70 percent. Unfortunately , whatever time is left in home is also mostly devoted in thinking about jobs (pending timelines, targets etc) only.
Not only that, What job we choose is the equally important decision as the life partner we choose. For the simple fact that over a period of time, you job shaped your behavior, your personality among other things. As the selection of wrong life partner can makes your life a living hell. Similarly if you are stuck in wrong job with negativity all around and viciousness in the atmosphere, you will find yourself in a nightmare with no chances of coming out soon.
Even though it seems like that you can change your jobs with much more ease as compared to changing the life partner. However I can say with my personal experience to be not the case anymore. In a way as people keeps on stuck in an unhappy relationship with their life - partner for years, not able to summon enough courage for walking out. In the same manner, people are stuck with same kind of jobs for years not able to move out. And it not only about changing the job and landing up with another. Sometimes the solution is about doing on your own. Being a Entrepreneur. Our society seems to be much more liberal towards love-marriages than starting our own business. Your family, friends and relatives are still somewhat supportive or dont have any problem in case you want to choose your own life partner and even in arranged marriage nowadays people get to choose their own spouse at-least from a the available options.
But on the other end, if you come from service family in middle class. Then becoming a doctor or engineer is your only chance at salvation. And off course dont even dream of doing something ridiculous as staring your own venture. In their eyes, its a cardinal sin forsaking the security and doing something your love. Its very difficult
Personally I'm a very reserve and sober kind of person. The person who always feels awkward with large gathering of people, Not good at first impressions at all. So the template is pretty much set for me as I will fall into the most stereotypical of stereotypes. Arranged marriage off course, That too the girl will be selected by someone in the family and first girl that I'll see will be selected. Similarly on job front also its pretty straightforward, Like every good parent abiding son of society abiding parents, I will take Non-medical in school even if I used to like arts. The choice of taking engineering is also made even before I come of senses.
Obviously the journey has not been easy after that both in marriage and jobs especially as I could not crack the entrance examinations of prestigious few colleges in our country.But that's not the point. I could write much bigger blog posts explaining the struggles being faced by average engineering graduate. But you got to make best use of the cards you are dealt with.
Being unhappy in job or / and being unhappy in marriage place you in quandary. Especially if you are not able to get out of both (due to a variety of reasons). Sometime cheating seems like a very alluring proposition. As I'm still not able to muster courage / make a thorough plan for starting my own venture and off course due to some financial constraints, I have given some serious thoughts on pursuing the "Rocket Singh" model of it i.e. doing on my own while continuing employment.
In the nutshell, I'm pretty faithfully serving my marriage for the last 9 years and it seems like the turbulent period in our relationship is more or less already passed, But the same can't be said about my job prospects. I'm working from the last 13 years now (obviously I was working way before I got married), My struggle is still very much real and on. I'm getting bit comfortable financially. But creative satisfaction and sense of life is still pending. Or perhaps I'm wrong in the first place to look for the same in job in first place. Perhaps I should look for my passions outside the job. The question is, how do I find time for the same. And what is that elusive goal / target by the way ?
PS :
The sum total of your role in marriage and the job make what you are, if you ask him. And in this case sometime the sum of the parts is greater that the total. Unrealistic expectations from both creates dissatisfaction and the sense of longing.If you can find your passion and hobbies outside these two despite being faithful in your roles. Only then you can attain happiness.
One of the noticeable things is the family pushing for arrange marriage and our protagonist rooting for love marriages. However as I was reading these books. It got me thinking into another direction altogether. As I'm already married (arranged marriage) more that 9 year back. Hence I cant really relate with this dilemma between love marriage and arranged marriage. But somehow the situations described in the books and dilemma looks very relatable to me in another aspect. Which is my job.
Even though I'm not a very professional minded person who puts his job above the personal life. Still the job plays a very important role in our life; for a very simple fact that roughly more than 50 percent of our day is spend in the Job. Though in my case the time spent in the job is around 70 percent. Unfortunately , whatever time is left in home is also mostly devoted in thinking about jobs (pending timelines, targets etc) only.
Not only that, What job we choose is the equally important decision as the life partner we choose. For the simple fact that over a period of time, you job shaped your behavior, your personality among other things. As the selection of wrong life partner can makes your life a living hell. Similarly if you are stuck in wrong job with negativity all around and viciousness in the atmosphere, you will find yourself in a nightmare with no chances of coming out soon.
Even though it seems like that you can change your jobs with much more ease as compared to changing the life partner. However I can say with my personal experience to be not the case anymore. In a way as people keeps on stuck in an unhappy relationship with their life - partner for years, not able to summon enough courage for walking out. In the same manner, people are stuck with same kind of jobs for years not able to move out. And it not only about changing the job and landing up with another. Sometimes the solution is about doing on your own. Being a Entrepreneur. Our society seems to be much more liberal towards love-marriages than starting our own business. Your family, friends and relatives are still somewhat supportive or dont have any problem in case you want to choose your own life partner and even in arranged marriage nowadays people get to choose their own spouse at-least from a the available options.
But on the other end, if you come from service family in middle class. Then becoming a doctor or engineer is your only chance at salvation. And off course dont even dream of doing something ridiculous as staring your own venture. In their eyes, its a cardinal sin forsaking the security and doing something your love. Its very difficult
Personally I'm a very reserve and sober kind of person. The person who always feels awkward with large gathering of people, Not good at first impressions at all. So the template is pretty much set for me as I will fall into the most stereotypical of stereotypes. Arranged marriage off course, That too the girl will be selected by someone in the family and first girl that I'll see will be selected. Similarly on job front also its pretty straightforward, Like every good parent abiding son of society abiding parents, I will take Non-medical in school even if I used to like arts. The choice of taking engineering is also made even before I come of senses.
Obviously the journey has not been easy after that both in marriage and jobs especially as I could not crack the entrance examinations of prestigious few colleges in our country.But that's not the point. I could write much bigger blog posts explaining the struggles being faced by average engineering graduate. But you got to make best use of the cards you are dealt with.
Being unhappy in job or / and being unhappy in marriage place you in quandary. Especially if you are not able to get out of both (due to a variety of reasons). Sometime cheating seems like a very alluring proposition. As I'm still not able to muster courage / make a thorough plan for starting my own venture and off course due to some financial constraints, I have given some serious thoughts on pursuing the "Rocket Singh" model of it i.e. doing on my own while continuing employment.
In the nutshell, I'm pretty faithfully serving my marriage for the last 9 years and it seems like the turbulent period in our relationship is more or less already passed, But the same can't be said about my job prospects. I'm working from the last 13 years now (obviously I was working way before I got married), My struggle is still very much real and on. I'm getting bit comfortable financially. But creative satisfaction and sense of life is still pending. Or perhaps I'm wrong in the first place to look for the same in job in first place. Perhaps I should look for my passions outside the job. The question is, how do I find time for the same. And what is that elusive goal / target by the way ?
PS :
The sum total of your role in marriage and the job make what you are, if you ask him. And in this case sometime the sum of the parts is greater that the total. Unrealistic expectations from both creates dissatisfaction and the sense of longing.If you can find your passion and hobbies outside these two despite being faithful in your roles. Only then you can attain happiness.
