What about Title of this post, lack of creativity or writers block or plain laziness ?
Perhaps all of the above or I'm not sure if I'm going to write more than one post per year now (the way things are going off late)
And what's with the date as the title of the post.
Its the day I'm writing this post, Perhaps it will be weeks and months before I could conclude and post it. So a nice litter reminder regarding how many days it takes for me to write a post.
Plus its my parents 47th anniversary; And birthday of one of my best friend (at least we were when in college). We have drifted apart now and its almost impossible to repair the relations. Its sad but inevitable as don't have many common interest area and we are separated physically as well (both the factors are important as my experience shows with other friends)
The date above is a giveaway that I'm opening this page now in October after April. Which means almost a whole year gone by just like that.
This is the second year in a row where I have spent spent almost no time on activities that I used to like and devote time quite regularly; reading and writing. And coincidently, this is the second year of my so called promotion. (I was promoted in November 2023). So probably I'm paying the price of growth. Anyway more on that later (in another post maybe...)
Since this post is more like a diary entry. So first few lines on why this date. Well first of all 17 October was my birthday followed closely by Diwali festival which was yesterday. So here I'm; on very next day after Diwali, in relatively early morning when the house is nice and quite. Weather is usually nice this time of the year and I could hear birds chirping outside. But I could also sense horrible pollution as a consequence of firecrackers burned last time. AQI is close to 350 and I could feel minor irritation in my throat.
Partially because I don't feel like exercising due to this pollution and partially because we have holidays after Diwali so I don't have to attend some urgent senseless official meetings today. I could spend some time in writing this post. Not to say I'm perfectly capable of wasting time on not doing anything, So this should count for something.
My birthday has been a trigger point for my writing for a long time time. You could find a lot of posts on my birthday or new year where I try to introspect, plan for future and the post serve as a platform where I try to put my thoughts into writing, A brain dump if you may call it so.
So the broader trend looks something like this, I write a post on birthday, ruing lost momentum and opportunities in last year. Reaffirming that I should get serious now. And this mood continues till new year which is resolution time for most of the world. There I make plans on how this year will be different and my personal milestones that I wanted to achieve. Sometimes these goals includes no of posts that I wanted to write as well. This time was similar is some ways yet quite different in others. One I was feeling quite tired and jaded, I was trying to build a fitness routing and included brisk walking so partially because of that. But there were others reasons as well that I cant really put a finger on right now. I actually forget how many years older I'm now. Maybe the sign of getting older that birthday gives you more guilt than joy. The guild of wasting one more year and seeing your life wasting away on the whole. And your constant feeling of tiredness in part physical and part mental. On Diwali as well I'm was unusually bitter, I had a bad episode on office; an usual case of office politics but it was not the trigger point. It was more like the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. I was feeling bitter before this episode as well and this particular incident just added oil to fire. When your mind is not really into it. These activities just feels like a waste of time. And I'm getting drawn into concept of "Time rationing" off late as well. So I sort of went through the motions and today morning my relative calm is more from the sense of relieve that its over now. So much for the occasion of Diwali which should rejuvenate you and fill you with positive energy.
Continuing the brain dump for second day as well as the pollution from Diwali is still very much there, with AQI is the range of 400 to 500, Exercise is not advisable and as I'm still in Diwali break so I can spend some quality time in rummaging thoughts.
I have written so many times regarding planning the goals and objectives that I actually have nothing to add to it. Though we can argue that situation every year is different and unique which should be factored in while tailoring the plan. After so many years, one thing is certain that the new year resolutions just doesn't work. Perhaps its due to my tendency to do so many thing at same time that I end up getting overwhelmed, or perhaps I can't sustain my focus and motivation at consistent basis on long term.
So Maybe its better to sort of "live in the moment". To take thing as they are. And see where we end in the end. New year is around 8 week away. And even if I could sustain these minor changes for these 8 weeks, there is still hope...
posted on 22nd Oct.
